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.I Hope I Don't Overdose.

.On Empty Promises And Beautiful Pictures.

10/9/06 09:04 pm - "Cause I'm Worthless"

I've said it before and I'll said it again
On days without you this shit doesn't end
I'm running around, and staying in place
There's so many things that I wish I could face-
But I can't, and I won't
I'm sick, and I'm tired of doing what I'm told to
Today was a day I wish I could hold you

CHORUS:
And when you're not around
These tears fall to the ground
And they don't get back up
And when I can't take everything
I can't make it
I try to turn to you
But...

I laugh it all off and I say I don't care
You look straight at me and I'm not even there
I'm saying these words, but you don't hear a thing
There's too much on this table I wish could bring-
Cause I can't, and I won't
I'm sick, and I just won't admit that I'm wrong
Today was I day that I couldn't be strong
(Not even for you)

CHORUS:
And when you're not around
These tears fall to the ground
And they don't get back up
And when I can't take everything
I can't make it
I try to turn to you
But...

I fake a smile and I pretend I'm alright
You take it as so that I just might be okay
I'm lying to you, and you can't even see
That everytime I speak I'm not being me
I can't, and I won't
I'm sick, and I'm sick, and I'm sick, and I'm sick

CHORUS:
And when you're not around
These tears fall to the ground
And they don't get back up
And when I can't take everything
I can't make it
I try to turn to you
But I can't cause I'm worthless.

10/3/06 07:52 pm - "The Way I'm Falling"

There's just this feeling that I get when you're not around
And there's an emptiness I feel as I hit the ground
Cause I fall over when you're not holding me up
And I loose balance when you leave me here- alone
And it's when you walk away
I watch you go
I know that it's all a show
But I still cry until you tell me it's okay

CHORUS:
I'm wrapped- around
Everything you've ever been
And I've tapped into
You're every emotion
I try to lay awake so I can find you
But I get so lost in the unconcious I fall away
And I swear to it all that you're the only way I'm falling.

It's just a feeling that I get when you're coming down
It's like I'm loosing control when I'm in the crowd- alone
Cause I fall apart when you're not sewing me up
And I loose footing when you leave me here on my own
And it's when you go
I know that it's a show
But I still cry as you walk away
Even though I feel it's gonna be okay

You make it okay
When you walk back
The smile you have
It's the reason why I'm here- today
Cause I swear, I swear, I swear-
I swear-
I swear that you're the only way I'm falling
And I know that's it's not down
Cause there went the ground

CHORUS:
I'm wrapped- around
Everything you've ever been
And I've tapped into
You're every emotion
I try to lay awake so I can find you
But I get so lost in the unconcious I fall away
And I swear to it all that you're the only way I'm falling.

You're the only way I'm falling
You're the only name I'm calling
And it's the best way to come around
And it's never coming down.
Cause there went the ground.

9/24/06 09:29 pm - "Better Than Air"

I'm lonely, jaded, hated
And I don't have enough spades to win this
You're all I have in my hand
And I can't get a full house, this is so unplanned
But it's alright
Cause you're a better prize then what I'm playin' for
I think I'll set my cards down, put a hold on you
Imma walk out the door...
Cause it's not gambleing I'm addicted to
Yeah that's right, say it again-
I'm addicted... to you.

CHORUS:
Everything that I say
I learned it from my nights wasted
And every damn day
I dream about you
Talk about you
I walk the walk
And think about you
What would I do without you?

Today it's harmless nonscence, it's hopeless
I could care less
You're all I see in this mess
And I know I've been second guessed
But it's alright (said it's alright)
Cause you're by my side, you're what I'm waiting for
I think I'll settle down on this here couch
I'll call you in a few
Cause there nothing else I'm addicted to
And there's nothing more addicting then you
Yeah, I'm addicted to you

CHORUS:
Everything that I say
I learned it from my nights wasted
And every damn day
I dream about you
Talk about you
I walk the walk
And think about you
What would I do without you?

You're fucked up, mean, but kind
And you'll always be mine
You're all I want in my eyes
And I can't see it if you weren't in my life
But it's alright, (said it's alright)
Cause tonight's our night, you're what I'm breathing for
I think I'll calm down and hold you close
Cause air isn't as important-
And there's nothing more addicting...

CHORUS:
Everything that I say
I learned it from my nights wasted
And every damn day
I dream about you
Talk about you
I walk the walk
And think about you
What would I do without you?

I'm so fucking addicted to you
Say that you're addicted to me too.

9/24/06 07:53 pm - "Contageous"

Somethings are hard to say
But to make them go away- it's crazy
And there's a lot of things I'd like to say to you
Like that I'm worried, and I'm scared
And sometimes it seems like you don't care anymore

CHORUS:
There's days when I think that I won't make it
I try to smile, and I get back on my feet
Even though you're not here
I pretend it like you are
And if I just say that I'm sorry, it's like your near
You're here again, but never for good
Not like you should- be.

Sometimes I hide away
And then you just say- I'm crazy
And there's a lot of things I'd love to hold on to
Like that I'm unfocused, and I'm scared
And sometimes I cry so hard that I don't care anymore

CHORUS:
There's days when I think that I won't make it
I try to smile, and I get back on my feet
Even though you're not here
I pretend it like you are
And if I just say that I'm sorry, it's like your near
You're here again, but never for good
Not like you should- be.

Somedays I'm just okay
You always see through it- it's crazy
And there's a lot of things I wanna confide in you
Like that I'm contageous, and I'm scared
And it's spreding so fast that no one cares anymore

CHORUS:
There's days when I think that I won't make it
I try to smile, and I get back on my feet
Even though you're not here
I pretend it like you are
And if I just say that I'm sorry, it's like your near
You're here again, but never for good
Not like you should- be.

My disease is so subdued
But it's something I realised
And I sit around and cry
When I should be there with you
I should be showing you this sickness ain't so bad
Cause it's the best thing I ever had
And one moment of you time is why I cry

CHORUS:
There's days when I think that I won't make it
I try to smile, and I get back on my feet
Even though you're not here
I pretend it like you are
And if I just say that I'm sorry, it's like your near
You're here again, but never for good
Not like you should- be.

One moment of your time is why I cry

9/24/06 04:46 pm - "Wish I Could Care Less"

This is the last time that I'll walk this way
And this is that last time that I will be okay
So don't ask, no don't ask
You know the answer, there's something wrong
So don't be the one to plague me
The only thing that I can feel is what's beating in your chest
I gave you my heart when your's was broken, yeah

(So- Now)
The less that I feel
The less that I feel
The less that I feel
Is the less that I need you

Could this be the end?
Could I have came up short?
Could this be the end for us?
Could I have done something?
Could this be any worse?
Could I have done something more?
Could I hold you hand?

Tonight is the only time that I'll let go
And tomarrow I'll fake my signiture smile
So don't stare, no don't stare
You know the truth, there's something wrong
You won't be the one to save me
The only thing that I feel is me falling from grace
I gave you my hope when yours was gone, yeah

(So- Now)
The less that I feel
The less that I feel
The less that I feel
Is the less that I need you

Could this be the end?
Could I have came up short?
Could this be the end for us?
Could I have done something?
Could this be any worse?
Could I have done something more?
Could I hold you hand?

My hands are numb
And I'm ready to break
So tonight I fall down (fall down)
I'm ready, I'll never wake (back up)
If I could rewind today I'd stop myself
I wouldn't let you walk away from me
If I could go back, I would go back
And I'd tell you how much that I'm sorry
But I can't, and we both know it so well

(So- Now)
The less that I feel
The less that I feel
The less that I feel
Is the less that I need you

Could this be the end?
Could I have came up short?
Could this be the end for us?
Could I have done something?
Could this be any worse?
Could I have done something more?
Could I hold you hand?

The less that I feel is the less that I need you.

8/15/06 01:45 pm

My hero of the time being is Emma Caulfield. Personally, I find her beauty captivating, and classy. I dunno. But she's just.. Lol, love her.

Anywho. My schedule is fucked. But it's

A1 - Enviromental Photography
A2 - US History Honors
A LUNCH
A3 - Foods
A4 - Chesapeke Bay

B1 - Ceramics
B2 - Anatomy
A LUNCH
B3 - Tech
B4 - AP English

8/14/06 12:45 pm

Your Existing Situation
Needs, and insists on having, a close and understanding relationship, or at least some method of satisfying a compulsion to feel identified.
--My Explanation: I need someone who I can trust with anything, and that will regognise me for everything I am.

Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.
--My Explanation: I need people who are just like me, so they can keep me motivated, but yet I still wanna be on my own terms. I wanna let all my feelings out, but I don't want to be pushed under if I do. And if I keep some things in the it'll be better in the end.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Exacting in her emotional demands and very particular in her choice of partner. The desire for emotional independence prevents any depth of involvement.
Wants to broaden her fields of activity and insists that her hopes and ideas are realistic. Distressed by the fear that she may be prevented from doing what she wants; needs both peaceful conditions and quiet reassurance to restore her confidence.
--My Explanation: If theres a doubt in my partner I walk away faster then I walked into it. I want to be more then I am, but don't wanna be dissapointed when I don't reach that. I fear that things are standing in my way, but don't try to bring up my hopes up, because they only come up when you're not trying.

Your Desired Objective
Feels the existing circumstances are hostile and is exhausted by conflict and quarreling. Wishes to protect herself and hides her intentions to avoid exposing them to attack, so that they will be safer and easier to achieve. Careful to avoid stirring up any opposition which might endanger her plans.
--My Explaination: I'm sick of everyone conflicting with the things I believe in. I don't want to let people know what I think in fear of them putting my thoughts out there before I do, cause if it's something no one's ever heard, then I'll be completely me, and people will see me for that. So I keep my thoughts locked in on the important shit.

Your Actual Problem
The unsatisfied desire to be respected, to stand out from amongst her friends, is causing some anxiety. As a result, normal gregariousness is suppressed and she refuses to allow herself to become involved, or to participate with others in their ordinary activities.
--My Explaination: I wanna be the one who is regognised for being the eccentric one, but it's stressful. Therefore I don't participate in normal things?

8/12/06 10:02 pm - "A Profane Introduction To Why I Dislike You"

I let you lead the way
Cause I never thought I'd die today
And I died alone
I thought you could handle me
I thought you could catch me when I fell
Well, fuck that, I was wrong

CHORUS:
Asphyxi-fucking-ate on the words you never said
Choke once for ever time I've wished that I was dead
I hope that you asphyxiate
And die alone
I hope that you suffocate
And you do it-
Do it on your own

If I knew the way you were
I never would've let you hold my hand
I would've walked away
When I had the chance (the chance)
So are you going to survive
Are you going to be able to live
If I'm not here to give- all I've got?

CHORUS:
Asphyxi-fucking-ate on the words you never said
Choke once for ever time I've wished that I was dead
I hope that you asphyxiate
And die alone
I hope that you suffocate
And you do it-
Do it on your own

8/7/06 09:34 pm - "Faking Away Today"

You may turn your back and walk away
But I'll still stand here to the day
That you come back to dream again
I know that it's a long shot
But I will give you all I've got
You know that I am always here
And I still wait here to this day
Even if it's not the day
That you come back into my arms

CHORUS:
Mark my words;
We will make it
Cross my heart;
There's always times that I will fake it
But the miles apart we are
You know in my heart that I'm not far

Away is where you wanna be
You wanna walk away from me
Can't take the shit I give you
The guilt it brings is too much to handle
So dream the dream that never dies
Dream yourself a world of lies
Tell yourself that loves too hard to hold on to

CHORUS:
Mark my words;
We will make it
Cross my heart;
There's always times that I will fake it
But the miles apart we are
You know in my heart that I'm not far

ANTI-CHORUS:
Call my name
I'll come back to you
Hold my hand
Every word I said was true
I won't give up for anything
No matter how much hell this brings
You're the one I need to breathe
You're the one I love to need

CHORUS:
Mark my words;
We will make it
Cross my heart;
There's always times that I will fake it
But the miles apart we are
You know in my heart that I'm not far
You're the one I need to breathe
You're the one I love to need

You're the one I love to need to breathe

8/4/06 02:53 pm

Havn't done an actual 'update' in a while.
Like people read this shit. Lol.
But on the status quo... There's Mikey.
The all around nice guy, doesn't wanna seem jealous, hates people being upset, dislikes negativity, sarcastic, funny, quiet, lazy, non-ambitious...
Great. -coughshrug-
My scale lies.
It told me I was 139.
And hour later it said 150. I could've cried. I'll get a new one.

Mr. Charlie told me I needed to get my foot in the door.
Of the music buisness.
Gah. Pressure, much.
He told me to poorman's copyright a few songs and send them to this one company.
I dunno. I just wanna play.
Music is my life, but I don't wanna sell out my songs for cash just to get a shot at stardom. That's fucking bullshit.
I dunno.
He also said my rythem is really well on guitar, and he said he's really happy with how I've been progressing over the last two and a half years.

Ocean City by myself.
Greatness. Not.
I dunno.
I'm only going cause it's mom's birthday on Sunday.
She wants me to be with her.
Now I have to tolerate Michelle.

Fuckit.
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